Okay so my last post although short was rather aggressive in nature. I had a bit of a surprise run in with one of my “family” members and it caught me really off guard. I was explaining to them what my intentions were with my website and my further intentions to hopefully start a non-profit here in Canada where I live that will allow for like-minded DI families to come together for information and for connection. People who are not going to judge each other for their choices but instead move past all the did you or didn’t you argument about anonymous or non-anonymous. Let’s face it regardless of how we went about having our children we all went down the same road of using donors to have them. Okay I am getting off track.
So this “family” member, starts throwing out negativity towards my idea. I should mention that he has known that we used a donor to have our children and has never even batted an eye about it at all. He starts asking me what the legal complications are and what if I out somebody that doesn’t want to be outed. Well then I said, they don’t have to contact me. He was really going at it, telling me I didn’t understand what he was trying to say…in the end I had to let it go, because I was getting so frustrated. Later his wife told me that he was getting so upset because he believes in secrecy, and that some things should remain private, and that although he would never outwardly say it perhaps he doesn’t agree with the way in which we chose to have a family.
I was gobsmacked! I couldn’t believe it, my first response in my head was “FUCK YOU THEN”, and I held onto that for a day or so, thinking that this person not liking my choice meant he didn’t like my kids. It made me want to not let him see my kids and I was worried that he would treat them differently than the other grandkids. But then my head space brightened a little and I realized that I was doing to him, just what I didn’t want people to do to me, judge us because of our choices, his choice would not to have started a family this way. So I let it go! Or at least I am telling myself that I have let it go.
I try so hard not to judge other’s. It’s something I almost pride myself on, but if I am truly honest with myself I have to admit that I do on occasion have a knee jerk reaction to judge people when I feel threatened. It is definitely something I need to work on.