None of Your F*#@ing Business!!!

More often then not I get asked “Did you need help to get pregnant?” “Did you have to use IVF?” “Do twins run in your family?” because I have twins.  My initial reaction is to respond “Non-of your F@*#ing business”, but a smarter part of me tells my brain to answer politely even although it really is no ones business how I became pregnant, they are only asking out of shear curiosity and not meaning me any harm or hurt feelings.  But I also always wonder if they would really want to  hear the 8 year story that sits behind my answer, that “Yes” we needed help, but “No” it was not IVF, but IUI using Donor Sperm.  I suspect the majority of those who ask would not really be expecting me to answer with such thoroughness and honesty, but that is how I want to answer.  Instead I politely say yes, we needed to use a fertility clinic, but its all good because we have these 3 amazing kids.  And then I usually get the standard response that they know someone who also had to use fertility treatments and then I spend the next 10 minutes or so hearing the story of their sister, or brother, or bff and how they managed to finally have a family.

When I had my first child (a singleton) no one ever thought to ask me if I needed help to conceive, they were more interested in asking me if I was breastfeeding or not.  Total strangers who I meet in the grocery line would ask and I quickly realized the answer they wanted to hear was “Yes”  the few times I answered “No” I got huge lectures about how it was best for my baby, and I needed to keep trying and they would give me helpful tips and pointers (no pun intended) about how I should be positioning myself and my baby for a better latch.  Ummmmm, I didn’t even know these people.  I did go to the breast feeding clinic a few times and the nurse there told me I had to “Hit it hard, and breast feed and pump in between”  talk about pressure.  I admit that I finally just started answering “Yes” I was breastfeeding because I could’t stand the negativity that was behind formula feeding.  When I had my twins I no longer cared what people thought and the answer to that question quickly became “Are you fricking kidding me!!!!”  I know a lot of women who do it with twins, but for me I never produced enough for one, it was not going to happen for two.

My point here is that although it happens to me on a regular basis that people ask me things that are absolutely none of their business I always seem to be amazed by it.  What would other women think if I walked up to her and asked what feminine products she used and started lecturing her that one type was better then the other?  Or started questioning them about their personal hygiene habits, as far as I am concerned that is just as invasive a question as, “did you have a natural birth or a c-section”, “did you need drugs to get pregnant”, “did you get and epidural”…..all questions I have also been asked by complete strangers!!!!!

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Posted in Assisted Reproduction, Azoospermia, BGM9581, DI, DI Baby, DI Child, DI Dad, DI Grandparents, DI Mom, DI Parents, DI Siblings, DI Story, Infertility, IVF, Loss of Baby after Infertility, Male Infertility, pregnancy loss, Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor BGM 9581
3 comments on “None of Your F*#@ing Business!!!
  1. oliviasview says:

    Too f***ing right Allison. It’s extraordinary how people think they can ask a pregnant woman or mother of small children very intimate questions.

  2. I would say, “Tell me how you got pregnant first? Was it missionary position? Did you need the assistance of lubrication? Did it go fast or did it go slow?” I’m thinking they wouldn’t be so eager to swap details then 🙂

  3. Jennifer says:

    What really gets to me is when they ask if my daughter is the only one, then i get a lecture on how I need to have another. After a while – I inform them that I can’t have anymore – we tried. Then I get to listen to the lecture that I don’t know that – their friend, sister, cousin. etc tried for years an got pregnant naturally, blah, blah, blah. Um yes- I do.

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GENdMOM
Allison Rouble’s Blog (my other blog) where I talk all things ‘Kids and Crazy’

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