An Anonymous Response to my Post: Still Playing Head Games With Myself

So I got an anonymous response on another site I posted this, here is their comment to me and my response: (I am so trying to stay objective)

Anonymous Commenter Wrote:

I was honestly stunned by this and as a women who was married for year to an infertile male could not have disagreed more nor felt remotely like this poster. Maybe because our first child was adopted I don’t know but for me…this was about being a mother a parent not about “needing” to have my “own” child. I consider this women one of the lucky…not every wife of an infertile male is guarenteed to get pg even via donor…..My first reaction as a women, a mom, an adopted an a DI parent is…are you kidding me….do you know how lucky you are? How will your kids feel when they read that they were good enough but that you still wanted something more? The internet is forever, remember what you post today is around 15 years from now. I am not here to case any stones or pass judgement but at some point you have to accept the cards your given, embrace the gifts you have and stop looking for your happiness somewhere else. Just my humble opinion.

My Response:

Dear Anonymous,

As stunned as you may be and as disgusted as it sounds you are, these are my feelings. Not one of them takes away from the joy I have and the happiness I feel about the children I have via sperm donor. My husband and I spent many years investigating ALL of our options including adoption, and you are right, I am “lucky” that through it all and in the end that I had a husband who agreed with a sperm donor. Did I “need” to have my “own ” child? No! When we got the diagnosis or male infertility I left it up to him, he had the decision and it took years for us to get to the point of donor sperm. We had been together for 7 years before we knew about our infertility and it took another 2 to get to sperm donor. Judge lightly as you may not know someones exact details.

Do I know how lucky I am? Every single day I know, I look into those amazing eyes and I hug that amazing man who agreed to stay with me through all this, I am the lucky one!

When my kids read this and anything else I write they will know that’s my mom, she is up front, honest and open. None of what I have written implicates that I don’t love and cherish my children, it does however paint a true picture of my emotions as a mom going through infertility and having used Donor Sperm. My kids will be raised in a strong environment, where speaking your mind and sharing your feelings is not a shameful thing. Yes the internet goes on for years, you think 15, I hope infinity. I have NO SHAME in my words.

If your post was intended to not cast any stones perhaps you should re-read it. As for acceptance of the cards I am given, there is no question I love every hand I have been dealt. The deck of cards is full of love here. I don’t look for happiness elsewhere, I wrote that post so that I could share an honest feeling.



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Allison Rouble’s Blog (my other blog) where I talk all things ‘Kids and Crazy’

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