TTC Again and My Body is Misbehaving

So here I go again, trying to be a DI Mom twice over. Because it took me so long to start my family, I had decided that I wanted to try and get pregnant soon after our baby girl was born. We anticipated this event and purchased up the remainder of our donor vials that were left at our clinic (3 in total) and we are now trying to concieve once again.

The funny thing is, this time around my body is giving us a hard time. I went last month to try and got the news that it was a no go for that cycle, my body was misbehaving. I couldn’t believe it. I was so mad. The outcome is that because of my advanced age (37) my body is no longer performing its reproductive duties effeciently. I had such mixed feelings about this. I was pissed, sad, bitter, annoyed, and devestated. What if I could not have another baby. This entire time it has been male factor infertility.

I was married at 28 and threw my birth control pills out the car window on the way from the wedding ceremony to the reception hall.  I was supposed to be pregnant the next month and at this point in my life my 2 perfect kids should be well on their way to be coming Tweens.  I should be entrenched in a very successful career and my biggest worry should be what I am going to make for dinner tonight.  Instead I am almost 10 years older, with a 9 month old and trying to make another one.  Being poked and prodded and on fertility drugs for two weeks, only to Wait for another 2 to see if it was all worth it.  I am a bit bitter……

It was not my choice to wait until I was over the “reproductive hill” to have babies, I had to wait. Wait for my husband to realize that we were not just getting pregnant in our own, and that it was not just going to happen when it happened. Wait for doctors appointments, test results, more doctors appointments, wait while the devastating news that my husband would never procreate sank in, wait for him to decide if he was okay with donor sperm….wait, wait, wait…while my eggs and my ovaries aged and disapperead. Man was I ever MAD…….

So I waited again for my next cycle to begin, waited to see if it was a go this month, and the good news is YES, this month give it a go.

So here I sit in my 2 Week Wait, actually 8 days in and dying to take a Home Pregnancy Test (I know it is way to early and the test will probably pick up the left overs from my HCG shot and give me a false positive)…..so I will WAIT……

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GENdMOM
Allison Rouble’s Blog (my other blog) where I talk all things ‘Kids and Crazy’

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