Being a Sperm Donor Mom is Taboo, or so I have been told!

“Why are some people so baffled these days about what some of us have to do in order to have children.  It seems just fine if we are in a relationship with someone who already has children and we raise them like they are our own, or if we adopt, but lord oh lord, if we want a child that is at least biologically connected to one half of the couple and/or have a child as a single parent and use medical assistance to make it happen they become so indignant about it.  I guess the times change, people’s attitudes however, not so much.”

The above post was written by me in 2009, and amazingly enough 3 years later my opinion of society today has not changed one bit.  I am a very open person when it comes to my children’s conception.  I used a Sperm Donor!  Not once, not twice, but 3 times.  The result, 1 baby girl stillborn at 5 months in 2007, 1 baby girl born in 2008 and boy/girl twins born in 2010.  Don’t get me wrong, I do not walk up to strangers and just start telling them my story, it is quite the opposite.  I am continually asked about my children because I have twins, and they always ask the very personal question “are they natural”?  I always want to say,I’m pretty sure they are, I haven’t seen any manufacturing tags on them lately, no barcodes and they look pretty real to me….so yes, THEY ARE NATURAL!”  But I know what they are getting at, did I use fertility treatments, and by that they mean IVF….well yes I used fertility treatments, but NO, I did not use IVF, we used IUI with Donor Sperm, and to this response I get some pretty interesting facial expressions looking back at me.

I have been right out told that using another mans sperm (not my husbands) was against God’s plan, and that my husband not being able to provide that sperm for me was God’s way of showing us the path to adoption.  To this I say “Thank You for your concern about my eternal well being!”  One man offered to do the job my husband couldn’t do.  To that offer I almost threw up on the spot (he wasn’t talking about providing a sample in a cup)!  I have been told that my husband must be a saint to ALLOW me to do this.  Believe me, although my husband is an amazing man he is no saint and we decided to do this together and ALLOW ourselves to have the family we so much wished for.  I am mostly amused by the response of younger women who say they are going to use donor sperm because they don’t need a man.  Okay so you might not need a man in your life, but the last time I checked it was only possible for the male species to create sperm, so like it or not, you need a man to provide you with the other half of the baby batter to get your precious bouncing baby!

I find myself pointing the finger at these people and saying to myself, how can they have their heads stuck so far into the sand, or up their own asses for that matter that they haven’t progressed with the rest of the world today, and then it dawns on me, perhaps I am the one with her head up her arce.  The world of medicine has progressed, we can purchase donor gametes to create families but that does not mean society has followed suit.  Unless you are in the need of these gametes your world does not factor them in, and if you are so lucky as to be able to procreate without the aid of modern medicine then you are becoming one of the lucky ones these days.  Because although we all live in our own little worlds with our own realities, the world is going to keep moving forward and I for one hope that more of us can get with the evolving spin and accept that the spin is in a constant forward motion!


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Allison Rouble’s Blog (my other blog) where I talk all things ‘Kids and Crazy’

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