I have always felt very tentative when choosing my words to describe my children’s attributes and appearance to others but never so much as I am when it comes to direct conversations with my husband. I continuously find myself editing my words in my brain before I say things like “oh she must get that from me” or “yeah I have the same thing on my foot that he has on his, must be genetic”. All of this is in an attempt to “spare” my hubby from what I think might be an awkward moment, or a hurtful comment. I have to stress that he has never once indicated that he feels any sort of discomfort with any of these types of comments and when we are out I have seen him handle all the “oh they have your eyes” or “they must get that from their daddy”, with grace and kindness.
I have been learning through blogging that maybe my fear that he feels mixed emotions or sadness about not biologically being their dad is just that “MY FEAR” and that my not discussing these issues with him because I am worried he will be upset by it is probably what is causing most of my concern. It looks like communication might be the sensible way to go. It’s sort of ironic, I am adamant about telling the truth to our children about being donor inseminated kids, but I am willing to keep my true emotional feelings from my husband.